November 2011
4 posts
2 tags
dearest:
If you don’t want to be my friend, you can just tell me.
I hate feeling ignored, and unimportant. I know I’m no one special, but I think there is something that I deserve, and that is just acknowledgement in the least. I get this body language from you, you don’t want to be around me. I hate not knowing what I did to deserve being ignored. So tell me,
what did I do?
I...
1 tag
It was the way I opened my eyes to blink my eyelashes against his cheek and just stay there, feeling the moment with every bit of warmth I could pull out of my beating heart. I can’t say I remember more than never wanting to let go, both his hands covered my one. I can only remember feeling the moment repeat the second I caught his gaze of lightest brown.
And there I was, sitting in a...
1 tag
There was silence, but it was the perfect kind.
There were no words. There didn’t need to be.
The air sat around us, cold. My warmth was his, his was mine. There was no purpose, only small words floating there sometimes. I look up at the sky, there are answers there.
“I see one star.”
“I see a moon.”
-smiles-
My hand lay in his; his actions more reassuring than the faith I had. No words, silence, thoughts...
2 tags
2 weeks.
It’s almost like nothing.
Almost everything. Everything coming together, making magic. I feel it, if only even a little bit.
Feeling safe. Free, alive.
Finally alive.
I will never be able to admit the hardest part of my downfall of anyone. The part that made me utterly and completely afraid, the part that made the obstacle higher than what I could jump. I told everyone to see the light,...
October 2011
9 posts
the complexity of the unexplainable
I am human, but I walk and I talk, and I say and I think, and I sing and I listen. My mind and my heart are selective. My hands create beautiful things, but the part that is beautiful about them doesn’t come from my hands. My soul pours out in streams of something I don’t know, making the technical more than just technical. I write with pens of purple ink, scribbling words that mean...
My heart is glowing.
It was so perfect. I won’t ever let go of those feeling.
How he held my hand and didn’t let go, how a brush of fingers turned into intertwined hands in a heartbeat. How I felt safe and beautiful and better than I had ever felt in my life.
I loved the way I leaned on him, and no one wondered why. I loved my friends, how they made it happen, and how thankful I am for what they did is...
The world was dark, and spotlight exposed me in ways I wasn’t sure I liked. The light brought brightness to my watery eyes. Words flew through the air, and swirled like dancing leaves, defying gravity and flying back to the trees they had once been. I didn’t know what to feel. I was floating on this kind of pedestal, realizing with small parts of me how lucky I really was. I was giddy...
Because I guess I've searched my whole life only...
Maybe the sad thing for me is that this is the...
I pour my heart out,
The moon listens, the sun forgets to remember.
Leaves brush the bottom of my heart,
I am reminded of what I have,
And maybe what I can’t have when it gets dark.
No one will ever know me like this screen does.
This is genuine, and this is real to me.
I trust the stars to watch over me,
I trust the moon to place sentences into life for me.
And still I find myself...
Because I guess you just can’t describe what this feels like.
Words mean more than what they are made up of.
I know what you mean,
I know what you want to say.
I didn’t have the will to fight,
and now I am flooded with everything that stands true.
“So, now I shall talk every night. To myself. To the moon… I talk to myself and...”
– Sylvia Plath (via ad—meliora)
I’ve been broken, I’ve been brought up and knocked down. I’ve been ignored, mustunderstood and erased. I’ve lost the most important things I had to give, I’ve dreamed of having everything, and have woken up to find that I had nothing at all.
I’ve been shoved, shattered and envied. I’ve been silenced of the screams that made me raw inside. I’ve...
"I like you nice."
I find myself rambling about problems that have already passed. Spitting out hopes and dreams, describing things that I never knew how to describe. I find myself promising a better tomorrow, and I find myself believing it for real.
You’ve got me smiling in my sleep.
You’ve got me silencing the ticking and tocking of the clock.
You’ve got me speaking and singing out the...
September 2011
3 posts
2 tags
Because I never wanted it to end, but it did.
Intertwined fingers hold the warmth of my heart between. Connected, invincible, ever lasting everafter. We were running and laughing, teardrops eyes still resembling teardrops reflecting the lightest unexplainable feeling. Our feet were moving in time, our hearts were beating in perfect rhythm, but we were walking on air, and we didn’t even know we could.
Who thought first? It didn’t...
I can’t, I can’t.
The tears are in my throat,
the buildings are falling.
people are crying,
hoping, praying.
The world is a terrible place.
We will never forget.
I cannot forget.
Ashes are all we have left,
names, beautiful names.
We worry about stupid things,
friends,
the superficial,
our image in other’s eyes.
Nothing matters,
nothing,
nothing.
I can’t.
It is the wonder in my eyes, the passion in my stride, the uneven ticking of my always rhythmic heart. The colors in the air I will always see, and the stars covered by bright lights and rushing people in search of their own pride. Satisfied glances leave empty spaces, but the words we hear in the murmur of uneven thoughts fill the emptyness that does speak.
August 2011
1 post
“I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.”
July 2011
8 posts
Words spill from the lips of the light that could not have been darker. Cry upon my shoulder and I’ll dissapear, light is dark to see the inevitable. The piercing letters forming words to glide through the air like unforgivable petals of the flower you gave me. Walking straight but nowhere at the same time, looking forward but staring behind. Destoyed by the light I wished to be. Cradled by...
I need that,
him,
because even reality,
even fantasy
have never made me so happy before.
Dreams are a reflection of my truest desires.
he is mine.
Hope
is holding me together.
but
Goodbye
waves,
broke me.
Time is endless,
and I cannot stand
you not here with me again.
please,
Silver gazes are falling through the air,
that connects us.
Somehow,
the Rhythm is holding me
together.
The heart beat,
the reassuring thump,
over
and
over,
from
me to
you.
Always somehow
connected.
Iin that place you could not
see.
Please,
I think I’ve needed you
for so long now.
Broken smiles,
blue eyes,
Unspoken words,
Smiling sighs.
Living, breathing,
believing,
beneath
sun and sky,
blue eyes,
endearing hands,
freckled rose,
Infinite glance.
truth:
I feel like I have nothing else to offer other than my words. My advice, my support or my suggestions.
It’s all I know how to do.
Because I guess it’s the only thing that doesn’t get me hurt, the only thing that can’t possibly go wrong.
No one can hate the girl that held their heart.
I guess I can see why I don’t ever feel understood.
I don’t understand myself.
June 2011
36 posts
avoiding eyes,
shifting steps.
Angry hearts,
No regrets.
I’m leaving,
I’ve Left,
I’m going,
gone.
I guess you can't wait around for people who don't...
“People come first to me.”
The perfect way to get a heart broken.
People don’t stay, they always break away, and having them come first doesn’t do much good at all.
So people aren’t first to me, they’re important and I love them, but I am Not going to give everything up for them.
I cannot trust someone that does not trust me.
waiting.
I kind of figured that I wouldn’t know what I was doing when I was this age, but this is becoming more difficult. The wishing and the waiting, it’s hard I guess, to think that all you want is that one thing, and it takes so much more than wishing and waiting to get it, but you still just can’t stop.
Sweetness and sincerity, I haven’t felt it in a long time, but I did...
people always leave.
It’s part of living, part of loving. Knowing with a little part of you that the person you love could leave any second, but just hoping they won’t, and maybe accepting their choices when they do.
People always leave. Living in fear won’t change the inevitable. Asking them not to and then hurting them will make them want to leave even more.
wishing,
dreaming,
dancing and
believing,
hoping,
even praying,
that if the rose should
die in misery,
I should stand
and see,
the one that is to bloom.
“So here’s everything coming down to nothing
Here’s to silence that...”
– Forever and Always, Taylor Swift
“Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something...”
– Joseph Addison
ideas become more irrational.
But I can’t disagree anymore, I can’t be the one who always oposses. I want to fight back more than anything, but I’m afraid of what it will do, what it might start.
It’s not her fault. It’s not.
privacy.
Obviously no one knows what that is anymore.
Respect is something I needed, space even. Everything was very personal and took a lot of courage to put out there. I was so afraid that this would happen.
“you’re fake.”
as if I haven’t figured that out yet.
nostalgia.
A few years ago, I learned the meaning of the word from my favorite book. I looked it up in the dictionary and immediately was drawn to word.
Nostalgia: noun
a longing for something of the past or of the future.
It’s one of those words that has defined my every emotion since I discovered it’s meaning. The word itself is beautiful, I can’t help but think that this feeling never...
Leaking.
It’s one of those things you can’t control, when you’re just so sad an overwhelmed with the world on your shoulders that you’re leaking those feelings. The tears are falling and you can’t even stop because you’re slightly relieved, knowing that somehow those words you could not say are being expressed.
She doesn’t understand, she never did. She’s...
"Inspiration is the catalyst of creativity."
We were singing our hearts out.
And I was dancing everything away like I do, but somehow, my head was somewhere else while my heart was lying on the ground. I was distracted and afraid, but all I wanted to do was have the time of my life.
I couldn’t.
Everyone is falling.
everyone.
why has it come to this?
I'd take it all back in a second.
Sometimes I can’t believe myself. The things I’ve said and things I haven’t said. The actions I took against judgements I made and the words I spoke that could have hurt if they were out into the open. I wish I hadn’t said all those terrible things, I’d take them back, I promise I would.
But now I’m stuck in a really far off place, not knowing which side to...
to shut down.
It’s not a term I know how to use, or know how to do. I don’t do that, and I have not ever.
Do not wrongly place that kind of term on me.
I can’t believe that those words could come out of her mouth. I sincerely meant everything that I said, it took a lot of courage to say those things and a lot of debating but I said them because they needed to be said. But I was shot down and wrongly judged. I didn’t deserve the assumptions she put on me just because I was a gray face below the words. Just because she didn’t know...
they're innocent, but so was I.
it’s crazy for me to think that none of this ever was for me, none of this ever existed in my reality. Now it does, and it is so scary.
I want to do so many things that I can't.
It hurts my heart to see you cry.
Nervouseness consumes me when I open my mouth. My hands shakes and for some reason I find myself about to break down into tears. But I have to tell myself, “this is only english class.”
His characters are flat, you only know one side of them. One absolutely predictable side, a trait, but only one. His characters aren’t round, you don’t know everything thought, every...
I'm talking to no one, and it's possibly freaking...
Her blue eyes are not beautiful when they have...
And everytime I see one of those sad, sad pictures, I am brought to my own tears. No one should have to endure this kind of pain, the tears that never stop.
I really want her to be okay. I really do, but she doesn’t want it for herself. I’m afraid she won’t ever, and I’ll be left alone. My other half will be gone, and she won’t know what she did to me.
Always loving...
I cried my eyes out this morning.
The tears are so hard to contain when you feel someone’s pain so hard and so deep.
Chorus is about presenting projects right now, a song that means something to you. And someone I had never known deeply, just a smile or a few words. Today realize what it really means to judge someone wrongly. She didn’t deserve what I thought of her, I thought she was shallow and stupid, but it was...
